nope this post is not about me having alot of free time..but instead, I feel so liberated and free...free from my own negative beliefs, thoughts...and I find that I'm happy when I'm alone, when I'm with my family or with friends..everything makes me happy although there are rollercoaster rides sometimes..but I just feel grateful and contented..

For the first time, I understood the consequences of asking too many 'why' (questions)....now what I'll do is say Thanks for letting me experience this..I keep saying thanks..and each day I improve myself and overcome all negative feelings and FEAR!...

I don't feel like breaking down so often...which is good..and I just confide in my heart or with someone who understands..seek opinions from learned person who knows the subject really well....I'm no longer afraid but instead always ready to face new experiences...reality and opportunities..=) Thanks God, Thanks to myself (for not being so stubborn) and thanks Everyone! who have made this CHANGE (which I've been asking for so long) possible!

I was at my desk checking my emails, finishing my report and playing some games, when I felt my chair was wet. I urinated without feeling anything. Well, the injury at my spine really weakens my pelvic area.

So, I think I should go and try out some exercise that can help strengthen the muscles.

Hmmm...I hope I'll get well soon.

=)))) Fighting!

hmm..life has been so hard on me after IAP started...

to be honest I'm still traumatized by the whole experience...It was shocking to get a dose of reality, where the adult world is so ugly, filled with lies, betrayal, deceit, jealousy and backstabbing.

First week of IAP was hell, no one was there to guide and assist me..I'm supposed and expected to be a ready-made worker who knows exactly what to do and how the operation runs.

Having to meet and work with an evil supervisor adds up to the misery. I thought I was being too sensitive and then day after day, I realized that I wasn't and the reality was that he's evil.

He cheats workers' money, borrows money or things and never return it back to its rightful owner, irresponsible, never own up to his problems, scolds, shouts and demoralizes people unneccesarily(including myself), expects people to worship and show him respect, refuses to touch horticultural waste, exploit and make use of people to carry out his evil deeds like signing forms which involves deducting workers' salaries, in short he's a two-faced snake that seriously needs one big strike of lightning to his head.

There are a few instances where we had a big argument and he was not happy with me, he tried to knock me down with his lorry, but thank God, I managed to escape.

Every single day, I was forced to do sanitation works instead of horticultural works. I did not get to touch, grow and smell plants, all I got was to smell stinking, rotten food leftovers, collect garbage around Botanic Gardens, pick up cigarette buds, sweet wrappers, food packaging filled with crawling,big, black ants and other human waste. That itself was a culture shock to me. But, I refused to think negatively about this, I keep telling myself that I'm doing this for Singapore, I'm keeping my home clean, I'm doing a good deed for each day; and so I endured the hardship for more than a month (30 painful days).

There were moments I got into big fights and arguments with him, and debated the issue with the bosses, but they were of no help either. Yes, they gave me a promotion of Assistant Manager, a higher rank but without much authority (Just to show they want to help me, train me up and get me out of the sticky situation). It was a whole lot of crap and lies again. I was actually pushed down a deep ocean without safety jackets and oxygen tanks to sustain me.

All the resources I need to arrange cleaning works for the gardens was contantly sabotaged by the evil snake. Everyday I was drowning and calling out for help, but I didn't get any help, support and resources from the HQ. In fact the boss told me to collaborate and co-operate with him. Half the time I can't even understand what he's talking about and most of the time he will act on his own.

Internal issues are already a big mess and external issues are much worse also, clients are already a handful and some are unreasonable, demanding, arrogant and not really smart to begin with.

I love to eavesdrop so I was lucky enough to get to hear this statement made by a head section of the Botanic Gardens:

' Can you pull the orchids and make it larger?' (a colleague of mine said, wow, we don't need breast implants or enlargement pills, everything can simply be big and large with just one pull, ROFL)
' I want jetwashing works to start at 6pm, if contractors can change orchids at 6pm, I don't see why you can't carry out jetwashing works'

'Can you employ workers who are like monkeys, fast and can jump here and there, run up and down' (Sure, there loads of them in the rainforest, you don't have to look far, its just at Bukit Timah, haahah)

The clients were so fixated on the past, they don't see the now. Everything must be like last time, last time, who the hell knows what the garden was like the last time. haha! But, I'm pretty sure the garden still survives with or without us.

My heart laughed at the same time cried, Jetwashing works is a dangerous process where visibility needs to be effective at all times, changing orchids and jetwashing are two different things and have different risk levels. God, why are Singaporeans so dumb, selfish and love to play God.

My workers get into trouble for having water breaks, the Assistant Director of the gardens always make unfair judgements to my workers. He's been sitting in an air-conditioned room for half a day, not knowing what people have been doing outside (digging, planting, shedding blood, tears and sweat) so, when he comes out once in a while and happens to see the worker standing, resting and catching his breath he made a lot of noise and kick up a fuss.

This is another fellow who needs a strike of lightning to his head.

Hey, even visitors who don't do hard labour, wants to rest their tired feet and sit on the park benches.

Well, I'm basically pouring my heart out, because I can see that Singaporeans won't go far if all they care about is money and fame. From my point of view, many of us put ourselves first and we always miss the bigger picture.

I think this whole 2 1/2 months experience has really changed me, a bit traumatized still, but I'm pretty sure I'll become a better person, who manages people very well and don't need to use harsh tones and sarcastic words to get things done.

I raise my hands to the sky and feel so grateful that God allowed me to see this side of the world and at the end of the day, I'm still the cheerful me who knows and understands a little bit more than some others, and yes, I've already share it here for all to ponder and get some strength to move on in life.

I'm truly grateful to have met nice people like Uncle Lee, our foreman, An Ting my senior cum colleague, my bangladeshi workers, my local aunties and uncles, Landscape Technicians: Mr Heng, Maran, Cik Mail, Cik Aminah, Cik Syidah, Boon Chuan and Cik Ali.

Thank you for making my days at BG a bearable one. Mr Heng, I sure am gonna miss the bus rides we used to have together. Take care...hopefully u'll find a loving wife soon that will care for you until the end of time. Maran, gdluck finding ang moh girls, hopefully you won't be so lonely. BC, all the best with life, jia you!....Cik Mail, sorry I can't listen to your whinings anymore abt our infamous BG Manager (hahah).

Thanks to my family, Hong Yi, Nisa, Dr Koh, Ms Kan, Mr Chow, Dr Chitra, Mr Dhanen for all your support. Sorry to have made everyone worry.=S.. I'm recovering pretty well from the injury...(long hours of walking, non-stop) =)

hahha!!thanks to Nisa...she and her creative juices revamped the old boring layout of this blog...into this beautiful layout...thanks dearie!!!haha!

Alright....to tell you the truth life hasn't been quite the same...after starting IAP it was indeed an eye opener for me...I witnessed so many 'dark' things, like people mistreat people, power play, internal politics, betrayal and arrogance.

I trust myself when I say, school can only equip you with a set of knowledge and skills, however, school itself would never teach us about life. It's not even part of any syllabus. Lecturers always tell us the good stuff, things we want to hear, but I honestly feel that they should be honest and tell students the truth of what to expect in working life. They should share with students how people lost their innocence and become arrogant and start to take control and make other people's life miserable.

How people suck up to superiors to gain favour and to get promoted faster. Did I hear any lecturer telling me this...NO!..honestly NO!...most I heard was that...'Oh, the prospect of horticultural industry is very bright and promising!' yeah right!

All this career talks and cadetship crap..was really an advertisement...what goes on behind the scenes to strive for greenery excellence was not beautiful at all. People shed tears, sweat, blood, time and many had to make sacrifices in order to maintain the so-called high standards of the park or garden.

Yet, these are the people who are being looked down upon, poorly paid and their efforts were never appreciated.

I think its a great lesson for me, I'm being reminded so that wherever I go, wherever I will be, whatever I achieve would mean nothing if I stop listening, if I stop asking, if I stop smiling, if I start putting myself first, if I forget how to walk on the ground and smell the roses and earth.
Something I learnt: Always put others first before yourself!

I really hate what I'm seeing right now, and maybe because I'm a perfectionist and have the tendency to hope that other people can see what I'm seeing...but I forgot they too have imperfections and they too are forgetful. Sooner or later they'll still need to learn what they have to learn. I can't learn it for them. I'm grateful God, let me understand this and gave me the awareness so I would not commit the same sins.

So, I will strive to survive and learn as much as possible during these 6 mths internship. I will definitely become a person who is more aware and very sharp in detecting cunning people that's always taking the easy way out and sucking up to superiors and making other people's lives miserable in order to achieve their goals.

haha!another outing with my dudes...this time its at snow city! well, out of 4 people, I'm the only one who haven't feel and play with snow..Jakon...(country bumpkin, again)